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Welcome to my Online Home folks! Wipe your nasty feet off at the door and make yourselves at home. I've got some water boiling and the tea and microwavable pizza's will be ready in a few. At my place, it's all about comfort.

I'm putting in a movie, and I hope you don't mind that it's full of boredom, drama, and sorrow. It's crazy, it's funny, but most of all it's like nothing you've seen before.

Ok! Tea is ready and the cookies are smelling good. Come and get it!

I sit down in the comfy recliner chair. Finally.........

.......the movie begans!
Links:
Check This Shit Out!
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Jun. 19th, 2008 @ 11:42 pm (no subject)
Today was a dazzling day... I had an interview in Monmouth for a position dealing with disabled people, I will be hearing back from the State within the next couple of weeks, and I just have to make sure and give Gary (w/ the Courthouse) a call every other day. It looks like I have a few good leads going, just have to keep working on it...

I think that this is the first time, in a long time, that I can actually sit down and type out my true thoughts. I feel like I can actually think for myself, and I am excited to be able to express my ideas. I have so much to release, and not enough words. Yay!

Ian: He has become such an important part of my life. I feel like he has rescued me from sadness, and I feel as if he empowers me to be a better person. It has been hard for him because of all the drama he has had to endure; and yet he has. When I first moved in with Eric and Diana, they encouraged me to seek the Lord. In the deepest part of my soul, I truly wanted to know God. I felt as if he was the only one with whom I could trust. It was at the same time that I began to draw nearer to God that I met and began to fall in love with Ian. I think that Eric and Diana saw that as a challenge, and they were suddenly afraid that I may put Ian before God. Eric had told me that it wouldn't be wise to enter in to a relationship right away, and he warned me about various aspects of Ian. He told me many things that Paul had shared with him... things that were not right about Ian because he wasn't walking with the Lord. I simply took in to consideration the things that they had been saying, and planned to find out for myself what the truth was. I didn't trust Ian very well because of the many things that various people had been saying to me; but, I can see now that it was not very wise of me to accept what they had said to be true. I guess I was just afraid. I feel as if I have learned to be more of a critical thinker, and I am slowly gaining my freedom back. It is so amazing! I can see now that the church has a habit of using positive manipulation in order to help weak minded people. Yes, I'm willing to admit that I was pretty damn weak minded, and hey, that's ok. I will always be growing. I believe that I am headed in a healthy direction, and I know that God is watching over me (and my love). I just plan to have faith, to pray, and to love people. One thing that I learned (from a beautiful spirit, a lady I met on the train) is that, "all people really need, is empathy." That is so true.

Patty: I am so happy to see that Ian was able to reach his mom. She is such a beautiful person, it just seems like her spirit has been broken.

Yvette: I feel so badly for her right now because of what Jeramy does to her. It seems like she feels so broken up about it, and I just wish that he would come to his senses. She's such a wonderful girl.

I feel like God is really blessing me. He has surrounded me with so many loving people, it is a bright feeling. I am sleepy now, I miss Ian.
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Apr. 23rd, 2008 @ 09:26 pm God has planned...
If I were to be completely honest with myself; I would have to say that I am wrong. It's all a lie...

I was hoping for the yellow path, the golden cue. I was praying for the one true source to reflect his love upon my life.

I wish that it was true.

It's not.
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Apr. 22nd, 2008 @ 09:16 am Leviticus
Current Mood: curious
Humans instinctively know that the cost of forgiveness is the spilling of blood; human & animal sacrifices, cutting of flesh, drinking of blood? Blood equals life....
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Mar. 27th, 2006 @ 11:23 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: creative
Matt and I are watching his sister because she is sick. I have a sore throat now. I took some vitamin C and will be taking some Echinacea.
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Mar. 26th, 2006 @ 10:55 pm (no subject)
I saved up quite a bit of money from working here in Oregon and now I'm going back to Ca. I can't stand the weather here, it is way too depressing. I will be able to get an apartment there before June. It will be a lot better then the apartment Matt and I have been staying at just because of the fact that it will be in Ca. I am looking forward to summer.
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Oct. 13th, 2005 @ 01:28 pm Hot hot and even hotter!
Current Mood: amused
It's fricken hot here in Lompoc. Can't wait for the winter....

...My mom is putting Matt up in a Hotel for the two nights he will be here because my grandma said no about him and I staying with her. She said that if it weren't for the fact that he is a guy, she would have been ok with it. I'm guessing she thinks we're going to be screwing like jack-rabbits. Nah, we're not.
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Oct. 12th, 2005 @ 12:35 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: Yay!
.................More.........I like 104.1. In fact I listen to that station more then any other radio station. A while back I entered a contest and won four tickets to the Monteray Bay aquarium. Haven't gone yet. Anyway, I like the rock station above all, both country stations, the classical station, etc. Whatever. I can't list all of the stuff I like. There is too much. I like most of the stuff Charissa listens too (but not all of it), only a very small amount of the stuff my sister Amber listens to, etc.

Whatever, anyway, I went to the gym yesterday and today because I'm trying to get back in to some of the stuff I used to do before I left for Oregon. I have been cutting down on the starbucks. In fact, this morning my mom had me get some drinks for her, for amber, and for amber's friend, and myself. I didn't get myself one. She just let me keep the money. One time last week, I got some apricot scrub face wash instead of a drink. I still have starbucks on occasion but just not as much as my mom does, or as much as me and her usually do. Let's see, what else, well, my trip to Oregon isn't going to be as much of a vacation as I had planned now. My grandma is paying for me to attend a workshop in Salem. Supposedly, it's supposed to look good on a resume and make me more employable. We'll see. I also have that appointment with job corp.

We had the twins birthdays' last night. They turned 21. Angela is visiting from Nevada for a doctor appointment. My mom is getting things ready for a garage sale we're having and my grandma is helping her look for a new house. It's probably going to be in Las Vegas unless for some reason my mom changes her mind. If she does, she said that it'll be a house in the Village here. I doubt she will change her mind though because she is pretty adament about moving to Nevada.

I don't know why I write about all of this stuff. I guess it's just interesting to look back and read stuff that was going on in the past. Sometimes it's funny too.

And, one last thing, I have pretty much decided that I will only associate myself with people who are (at least trying) to lead healthy lifestyles. When I'm hanging out with people I should see that we are doing good things, otherwise it's a waste of time. Things like, nature stuff, exercise, learning, reading, adventure, travel, movies (but not too much), talking about our goals, aspiring, etc. Of course, it's good to talk and vent on eachother and listen and all that shit but not if it consumes every situation encountered.
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Oct. 11th, 2005 @ 02:29 pm (no subject)
At its core my taste in music has never changed although I sometimes add songs, artists, and types of music to my list. I have an open mind when it comes to music and I judge it based on how it makes me feel. I like most types of country music but not all, I adore rock music, soft rock, classical, and I used to listen to nature sounds and soft celtic music whenever I would study at the library. Mystic Radio on the internet is the thing I would listen to when I studied at Allan Hancock. It's relaxing and helped me to concentrate better. I like some oldies, jazz (on occasion), a few hip hop artists but not very many. When I was a teenager I also listened to some heavy metal, trance (which also got me made fun of at times for being a crasher kid, we all know how stupid teenagers can be). My mom's friend burned me some cd's of Elvis, Kiss, Ozzy Osbourne, Black Sabbath, Creed, and a few other I can't recall right now. .......More later.....
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Oct. 11th, 2005 @ 01:51 pm Yay!


I am a d20


Take the quiz at dicepool.com

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Sep. 28th, 2005 @ 03:14 pm Yippy Skippy!
Current Mood: amused
Your Outrageous Name is:

Ivonna Ardon
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Sep. 25th, 2005 @ 12:07 am (no subject)
Current Mood: tired
I spent the day at the renaissance fair in Ojai. It was nice except for the fact that being there turned me in to some kind of a super-psycho consumer. All I wanted to do was to buy stuff. I dressed up in an upper class outfit that was kinda like royalty. The bodice was tight and every once in a while I had to take in a couple big breaths because of it. It wasn't too bad though. Anyway, it looked nice.

I got a couple pairs of the long pirate socks, a black flogger, a penis necklace, and some 80's style shoes. I acted the part of a lady and everyone I came across treated me as if I were nobility, until I started to get bored. First I started smacking most of the pirates that crossed my path in the ass with my flogger. Then, I was just hitting all the men. I thought it was funny because supposedly people were telling me that its the guys who get away with stuff like that at these types of events. Ironically, Bethany had a couple guys grab her ass and one guy ask her out. She also had a guy kiss her. I only had one guy kiss me on the cheek and none of them grabbed my ass. I think its funny because you know that most of the guys were probably thinking I'm crazy, and they didn't want to take the chance of me flogging them, or something like that. lol I swear I was really doing that. It was funny to see the expressions on their faces.

There was a play but it wasn't very good so I didn't watch the whole thing. There were also some belly dancers but they were kinda freaky looking. Oh, people were telling me that ladies are supposed to be escorted places and should never walk around alone otherwise they could get kidnapped. So then I thought, no way, I'm the one that's gonna be kidnapping the pirates! lol So, I asked this random pirate that just happened to be walking by if he would like to escort us to get a drink. I bought him a lemonaide and then we escorted him back to his guild. It was funny because I wouldn't let him leave until we got him a drink of some sort and walked him all the way back to where he was going.

There was a handfasting ceremony for a couple in the guild we were visiting. It was so beautiful and sweet. I could see tears fall from the groom's eyes, and the bride was tearful too. I guess some of the family are Christians and some of them are Pagans so they compromised during the ceremony and stuff. They used an alter and some pagan ideas but they also talked about the trinity and Jesus Christ. It was pretty cool.

I tried to buy a bodice at the fair but the lady who was selling them had told me that it would be better if I had one custome made for myself. She gave me her card and I might have her make me one but it probably won't be until next season. I found out that it's much cheaper to go on ebay and visit online stores and thrift shops anyway. Better prices.
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Jun. 22nd, 2005 @ 12:44 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: good
I ended up getting a B in Political Science and a B in art. I got an A on the first midterm in art, a B on the second one, and a B on the final. In political science I got a B on the midterm and a B on the final.

Nothing much is going on over here in Lompoc except for the fact that I am taking an English 101 class (fast track). It's only six weeks long. I am also baby-sitting so that I can make some extra money for my car.

My sister Angela is visiting from Nevada. She came down for a month. We are going to try and make it so that when she goes back to Nevada (for school and work) she will, a. have her drivers license b. have all of her medical treatments done for what's going on with her (don't feel like going in to it right now) and, c. have her necessary dental appointments finished. As far as my goals go I just want to make sure that I a. have my car b. get an A in my English class and, c. have all of my neccessary items and paperwork for the dorm's I will be living in. I am going to get it all done before I leave for up north, which will be before the 20th. My orientation is on the 20th, for College of the Siskiyous.

In the fall, I will be taking 16 units. I'm taking astronomy, abnormal psychology, english, math, and college success skills.

Yesterday I went to UCSB, just to tour the campus. I wasn't too impressed by the Psychology department, actually. It seemed kinda, lacking. Then again, my opinion of it could be a bit biased seeing as how I have heard of Stanford. Stanford has an entire school of Psychology whereas UCSB merely has a department of Psychology. There are also a whole lot more research projects going on at Stanford then at UCSB. I am going to have to visit Stanford and see what I think about the school, after actually seeing it for myself.

The only thing that I liked about UCSB was the location, the fact that it is close to Santa Barbara, and some of the programs there. We'll see.

I have an essay due on Monday for the English class........ more on that later.
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Jun. 10th, 2005 @ 05:30 pm (no subject)
I don't know what my grade was for political science yet. I have emailed the teacher and am waiting for him to email me back. I might have to go visit the school and get his number so that I can just call him. I don't have it anymore. More later. Damn, I hope that I didn't get a C.
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May. 5th, 2005 @ 12:29 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: eek
Current Music: none
I have a test today in Art and I'm hoping that I can wing it. I really am not prepared for it. We'll see. Yikes!
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Apr. 29th, 2005 @ 12:32 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: OK
Current Music: Fuckers talking....
I'm with my sister at the school career center about to go to the gym to work out a little bit. I passed my test. The one I thought I was going to fail. Political Science.
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Apr. 3rd, 2005 @ 09:23 am (no subject)
Last night went well. I took the car and so I had a way to work and a way home. Today I am going to drive my mom to work and then drive myself to work and then Albert is going to pick her up when she gets off. I am going to have the car for the rest of the night. Tomorrow, I have to make sure that I study for my classes otherwise I might not pass.

1 whole bananna
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Apr. 1st, 2005 @ 11:55 am (no subject)
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: quietness
I visited my grandma on the way back from my orientation in Santa Maria and it was ok. I mean, she was on the phone most of the time talking to different people though. Tracey, my aunt Kim, etc. She keeps trying to get my mom and myself involved in my aunt Kim's drama, and you know, it's quite irritating. I mean, the asshole is a druggie and a loser. She's fucking up her kid's life. Ok, you see, she is supposed to be in prison for the next year and some months but will probably get off in about eight months if she behaves herself. The thing is that her kid (my little cousin) is staying with a friend of hers until she gets out. She has to be pulled out of her school and go to an entirely different school because of this. Not to mention the fact that she's been around losers like (my dad) for instance and other druggies. My aunt has had the weirdest of people baby-sit her. It's ridiculous. I really can't stand drug-lords. Anyhow, there isn't much I can do about it except now my grandma is trying to get me to do stuff for my aunt. For example, her car is parked somewhere in Santa Barbara and my grandma wants either my mom or me to go pick it up before it gets towed. It's not insured so if we were to get pulled over we could get in to trouble. Anyway, it's a bunch of bull shit if you ask me. My grandma is such an enabler. She coddles her and it's so sickening to think of how she's babying the little idiot.

Argh.
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Mar. 30th, 2005 @ 01:48 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: the sound of little voices
This old school library brings back lots of memories, from way back, you know, like several months ago.
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Mar. 27th, 2005 @ 01:22 am (no subject)
Easter is one of the holidays that kinda bugs me. I propose that we get rid of Easter alltogether and have two halloween's! Yay! :)
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Mar. 25th, 2005 @ 10:47 am (no subject)
Current Music: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
I went to my orientation for political science - american government. I found that we have three text books to go with the class and we are going to have a mid-term and a final. That's it. Crazy huh. Anyway, I have to think of some creative way to be able to get the books because I sure as hell don't have enough money for them. I spent most of yesterday's paycheck on different stuff...

More later........
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Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 12:18 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: nintendo music
Don't really feel like going to work today but, such is life....ugh! 2pm-10pm Eight fricken hours! Argh.
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Mar. 17th, 2005 @ 11:09 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: & laughing
Ok, check this........ So I'm at work, right? And I'm working fast because I just want to get my shit done as fast as possible. Anyway, the lady in the jewelry department needed to take a lunch break and asked me if I would cover for her, so I said that I would. It's a part of my job anyway. So, I continue to do what it is that I was doing and then I hear a, 'code one in the jewelry department' on the loud speaker. So, I go over there to help the customer's. Since I am a new employee I am only allowed to show the customers the merchandise, answer their stupid questions, and help them out with other idiotic aspects of shopping.

I kept getting a code one in jewelry....and the lady over the loudspeaker was being crazy and calling for, 'code one in jewelry' really loud and abnoxiously. She wanted me to help customers I wasn't even allowed to help. Anyway, the little idiot kept repeating herself over the loudspeaker as if I couldn't hear her. So, after that chick came back from her lunch break I spoke over the loudspeaker my own little message........ 'Attention associates please be in your happy place when speaking to other associates, this is Candace from shoes, thank you very much.' lol I swear women are so difficult to deal with. Their always the one's complaining on the loudspeaker to other associates. Little weirdos.

It was actually funny. I couldn't help but say something over the loudspeaker because that lady was getting all crazy with me. I was so mad that she was having an attitude I couldn't continue my work until I said something, at least something.
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Mar. 12th, 2005 @ 12:15 pm I woke up one morning and everything was blue....
the sky wasn't the only blue thing and neither was my attitude. My little brother was blue as well as my little sister and my mom. The cats were blue. The house was blue. Everything was blue. And, as I remembered the dream that I had had the night before I realized that my dreams were blue too. I had dreamt of blue paint spilling from my eyes, my nose, and coming out of my ears. Apparently, my sad disposition had spread throughout the entire world. So, I took a shower in my blue bathroom, got dressed in my blue clothes, and hopped in to my blue car. I went to work and found that Walmart was blue as well. Weird. Well, that was until I walked in to my boss's office only to find that he was the only non-blue thing. He was red! Go figure.
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Mar. 11th, 2005 @ 10:16 pm (no subject)
I have to say that anyone who is in the Lompoc area and is needing to do their taxes still, or will file next year......... go to Jackson Hewitt. They are much better then H&R Block. Trust me, you will get more money back!

Candace
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Mar. 5th, 2005 @ 11:24 pm Saturday Night
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: gino's nintendo game soundtrack
Have been working at Walmart (still being trained). I don't really like my job but hey, it's a job. As far as everything else goes, well, it's all pretty stressful. I am working on getting things together though. I start school again towards the end of March. Two online classes and one on campus. Political Science, Career Planning, and Art Appreciation. I am about to go to bed right now though because it's hella late and I've taken a couple tylenol pm's. I'm tired.

I still have to do my taxes... (Reminder, to me).
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Feb. 25th, 2005 @ 10:15 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: feeling better
so, i got the job. am i excited? uh, kinda. well, it's a job. lol one i need! more later....
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Feb. 16th, 2005 @ 08:34 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: good
Ok, so, I'm over the whole getting pulled over by a cop thing now. But, I still think cops are weirdos and they annoy the hell out of me. I sure wish that they would mind their own damned business and go fuck with people who are actually committing real crimes. Like, chopping boys nuts off, or slaughtering helpless animals... Seriously.
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Feb. 14th, 2005 @ 12:19 am (no subject)
Charissa - Call me whenever you get this message. We got cut off the other day and you never finished telling me the story. Anyway, I will try to call you again tomorrow.
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Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 08:36 pm Oh Wow What Big Knockers You Have!!!!
Current Music: Talking to Charissa on the phone...
Oh my goodness.......it's alive!!!

Charissa is back in Oregon living with the monkey's and being satisfied sexually by the snakes. She is super happy and wonderfully content living the lifestyle of the rich and the hungry. She is now a new member of the cast for the young and the horny. I couldn't be any prouder of my beautiful and extremely talented 'special friend.'
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Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 04:48 pm (no subject)
Well, my opinion of the military and the government (in general) has really changed a lot since I first left for San Antonio....

I used to be totally for the military and I used to trust our government but now I HATE our military and I am not for any particular government. I believe that there is a lot of shady stuff going on in the armed forces. I no longer support our troops going to Iraq... and in fact... I doubt that they are ALL heroes or that what ALL of them are doing is even right. That's just my opinion though.... for what it's worth.
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Feb. 1st, 2005 @ 07:26 pm (no subject)
I'm back.
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Dec. 24th, 2004 @ 03:02 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: and thirsty
Earlier today, ran the mile, and got a 9:11 min. time.
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Dec. 24th, 2004 @ 10:04 am Ugh
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Jaz
Got a late start this morning because last night I took two alergy pills only to find out they make you sleepy. I never even thought to question whether they make you sleep or not because I didn't think Albert would give Amber that. Anyway, had a cup of chamomile tea last night and was completely zonkered out after that.
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Dec. 23rd, 2004 @ 07:14 pm (no subject)
I ran a mile the night before last night and I got 9:33 min.
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Dec. 19th, 2004 @ 11:27 am take me away...
Current Mood: and furious
Current Music: Mystic Radio
I don't know what the fuck I was thinking when I thought that I could handle being here for another week. I can't even stand it for another day... I'm out.
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Dec. 18th, 2004 @ 03:25 pm This shit sucks....
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Creed - Weathered
yeah, I am highly annoyed! I really, really, really, can't wait to get myself away from sisters. They bug me. They annoy me. I want to be rid of them...
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Dec. 17th, 2004 @ 04:58 pm Exercise was borrowed from; http://www.yourdailyaffirmation.com/creative_visualization/new_year.htm
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: 103.3
Creative Visualization Exercise For The New Year

Take a moment now to visualize what you desire to manifest in 2005. Start to see it clearly in as much detail as possible, as though it has already been created.

Where are you now living? New York.
What type of work are you now doing? In the Air Force (weather field). I am also taking night classes at NYU and working towards a degree in Health Science.
Who are you now living with? A room-mate who is as much of a nerd as I am. A girl who likes to study, and is not a party-going drunk or druggie.
Who are your friends? Charissa (Long-distance friendship).
How much love are you now giving yourself? Plenty. I don't hate myself and I don't participate in as much self-loathing or self-disrespect. I expect others to have the same kind of respect for me that I show to them.
How much love are you now giving to others? A lot more. I respect them more and I treat them with the kind of humanity that they deserve. Although, I do have my boundaries and I don't let them take advantage. Nor, do I take advantage of them.
What is your relationship like with Spirit? I am more meditative and living more so 'in the moment' instead of 'in the past' or too much 'in to the future.' I spend time developing my spirtuality in many different ways like; reading, meditating, sharing, etc.
What kinds of abundance have you created for yourself? I have saved up quite a bit of money and am spending time on my writing which will bring in more, eventually. I am just starting on the path towards more abundance.... My mind-set allows me to be grateful for what I have which makes it easier for me to accept more.
How are you feeling health-wise? I eat healthy foods and exercise so I'm feeling great! I feel energized, refreshed, and healthy. I am more aware, more flexible, and I don't get out of breath as easily. I am glad to wake up in the morning because my sedentary lifestyle has gone away. I am more active and therefore more happy.
How peaceful and joyful are you? Really peaceful and really excited! I am joyful because I know that no matter how great 2005 is, there are more years ahead which will prove to be even greater.
What else do you see around you? I see positive people who expect me to exceed my limitations and to strive for excellence in everything I do. I see people who expect the best out of themselves and out of their close friends and family. I see myself being surrounded by people who are like the type of people I want to be. I see a beautiful environment that is culturally diverse where people from all walks of life come to learn. I see school and books and knowledge and fresh starts. I see possibility and hard work and most of all I see my family and friend succeeding in everything they endeavor to accomplish.

Now, FEEL this life you have created for yourself in every detail. BREATHE it in to every cell of your body. LOVE this new creation. Continue breathing in and feeling the energy of this beautiful creation, and hold this vision within your heart center for a few minutes longer.

You may return to this place at any time.

Be at peace, dear one, and know that you have now taken your first steps toward creating your new reality.

You are so loved!

Jamerah
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Dec. 15th, 2004 @ 03:48 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: sunny country 102.5
I am drinking some black coffee with a hint of chamomile tea in it..........and I am thankful that this stuff will give me more energy.

Well, today I had a conversation with my mom and found out exactly why she has been acting weird lately. I feel a lot better. You see, all I wanted is for her to open up to me and not push me away. When someone pushes me away I get so angry and it makes me want to attack them, and then give up on them. I think that things will work out because today I am going to have another conversation with her. Whether it's through letters or in person it doesn't matter really as long as there is some communication going on between us. We are going to try and make this Christmas really special for the kids. Anyway, I will post about how things go later...
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Dec. 14th, 2004 @ 05:45 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: mystic radio
I am absolutely furious. I am so sick and tired of my mom allowing my druggie aunt enter our house. That son of a bitch should be locked up for all she is putting my cousin through. She is bad news and my mom knows it and yet she doesn't care. It's like she either feels guilty (for all the nice things my aunt has done for her), or she is just being nice to her (for what she might do for her, or give her in the future). Or, perhaps because she is her sister but I doubt that very much. My mom is not afraid of cutting people off when it is necessarily. She has done it before. This situation should not be any different. Anyway, whatever. I guess the thing that makes me the angriest is that I have to live here for another 19 days and so I have to put up with it. I swear, one of these days I won't ever have to put up with shit like that again.
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Dec. 11th, 2004 @ 10:36 am Fairy Tales Suck!
Current Mood: amused
I think I've fallen in love with a Character in a book I'm reading......*Sigh*
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Dec. 7th, 2004 @ 03:08 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: 103.3
I took a 'Personal Alchemy Quiz' in order to, "....determine your current level of personal transformation and suggest appropriate alchemical operations to pursue." Excerpt taken from http://www.alchemylab.com/quiz.htm

Section 4: YOUR QUIZ RESULTS

Your Personal Alchemy Quiz results are indicated in the boxes below.

LUNAR (Intuitive) Score: 9

SOLAR (Intellectual) Score: -1

HERMETIC (Metaphysical) Score: 7

YOUR TOTAL SCORE IS 15

My evaluation: The deeper essences and energies of your soul are surfacing.

At this moment in your transformation, you are experiencing a flood of images and feelings that have their origin in your own subconscious. As we become adults (or are "adulterated" ), many people feel they have lost a precious part of themselves and are leading inauthentic and superficial lives. Our souls despair trying to survive in a world of spiritual drought, and we have less psychic energy available. The purpose of psychological Dissolution is to dissolve rigid beliefs and any remains of ego falsity the hold back the powerful "waters" of the subconscious mind. Tremendous energy can be generated when the waters held back are released, as the ego is further humbled by its direct confrontation with the primal energies of the unconscious. This tremendous energy can be used to heal body and mind and fuel our continued transformation.

"Its mother is the Moon," is how the Emerald Tablet describes this second step in alchemical change. Just as Fire is the element of the Sun, so is Water the element of the Moon. During Dissolution, the fluid lunar powers expressed in dreams, visions, psychic impressions, and bodily feelings take precedence over the linear approach of the rational mind. Successful Dissolution requires letting go of control, allowing feelings to flow, and repressed thoughts and feelings to surface. You might feel overwhelmed by images, wordless impressions, and strange feelings. You might even feel confused, like you are really floating around aimlessly in a giant sea, but this is only a temporary process on the long road to renewal and perfection.

Undissolved people tend to be judgmental, greedy, and excessive, and their relationships can only be described as selfish. In such persons, the process of Dissolution results in a withdrawal of projections and judgments and a breakdown of assumptions and habits resulting in a wonderfully flowing, childlike presence. The person is no longer afraid to express that which is within. The result is a release of pent-up energy previously spent supporting the false personality. At this point in time, you should make a concerted effort to recognize the deeper spiritual influences in your life. Powerful forces are surfacing, and you have to prepare yourself to control them.

In chemical terms, the second step in the purification process is dissolving the ashes from Calcination in water or acid. The ashes disappear, as if it they have returned to their original, undifferentiated state, and the alchemists saw this as a return to innocence, a return to the womb for rebirth. In fact, the symbol for Dissolution is the womblike retort. Meditation is a powerful tool that has been used for centuries to reenter this primal, womblike state, and it should be practiced regularly. Since dreams also carry the power of Dissolution, it is necessary to learn to work with dreams to open up new creativity, make new connections, and restructure old habits. Dreams carry important subconscious knowledge about health, life events, and relationships that the ego refuses to acknowledge. In fact, Carl Jung first became interested in alchemy when he noticed the wealth of alchemical imagery in the dreams of his patients.

To start paying attention to dreams, you have to treat them as important information. Most people have dozens of dreams every night full of insight and meaning but forget them on awakening. Very quickly on rising from sleep, the ego takes control with its endless planning, and scheming. Unless a recurring dream or nightmare disturbs this habitual pattern, most people do not remember their dreams. So the first step in dreamwork is to accumulate dream material. Keep a notepad or tape recorder by the side of your bed to summarize dreams from which you awake in the middle of the night. In the morning, get into the habit of lying in bed awake for a few minutes trying to remember dreams you had. Start a dream journal with your own interpretations, then compare the symbolism with the dreams of your friends or use any of the numerous dream interpretation books available. Just keep in mind that dreams are very personal information about what is happening in your life and not all images have the same meaning for everyone. You have to interpret dreams in context with your current situation, feelings, and stage of transformation.

One method for dissolving body and mind simultaneously is fasting. Not only does fasting purge the body of toxins and the effects of overindulgence, but it also activates a natural healing response. Fasting has been used to treat a variety of diseases, and the psychospiritual benefits of fasting are recognized by all the world’s religions. It clears the mind, refreshes the memory, and can even lead to mystical experiences. Fasting is a way of becoming stronger by letting go -- a kind of proactive denial of worldly temptations.
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Dec. 7th, 2004 @ 12:57 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: surprised
Current Music: 103.3
http://www.infinitebeing.com/0406/mysticscience.htm
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Nov. 29th, 2004 @ 02:02 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: hungry
1/4 of a mile: 2min & 6sec
1/2 of a mile: 4min & 35sec

Alltogether, I only ran 75% of a mile.

That's all I did today except for going to the gym and spending like 20min on the exercise machines.

Ummmm, someone needs to invent some kind of pill that make exercising not feel so bad. I mean, whats the point of it feeling good afterwards if you have to struggle through it to begin with. Little fuckers.


Oh, when I was at the high school I encountered a very sexy creature. Yeah, he just happened to be a P.E. instructor. He was having his class run the mile or something and boy oh boy was he good lookin. If I see him again I'll definitely have to strike up a conversation with him. All he said today was like, 'hey, are you running the mile?' and I was like, 'yeah', and he was like, 'oh, ok.' And then I walked away thinking, 'Daaamn.' Next time I'm going to be like, 'hey, you know, I could use some advice on health and fitness, you know running and stuff. so, I was thinking, you know, since your a P.E. teacher and all, how about you and I practice together?' Or, I'll just be like, 'here's my number, give me a call if you ever need an exercise buddy.'

See Charissa, we just need older guys. Them young-shits are way too nutty. Anyway, I will post about it if I see him again, one of these days.
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Nov. 28th, 2004 @ 01:24 am (no subject)
Current Mood: aggravated
fuck the little bastards that keep lying and telling me shit that aint true little gnomes. i'll make them pay. the little losers. and money fucking sucks too.
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Nov. 26th, 2004 @ 11:19 am (no subject)
Current Mood: annoyed
My sisters left a little bit after I got off the phone with Charissa. Crystal came in to my room and was like, "Hey, Candace, make a list of what you want for Christmas that you will need in the military." I'm not sure the exact words but that's the gist of it. She wanted to know what I wanted for Christmas and I was like, "No, I don't want anything, but thanks anyway." She walked out of my room. Amber didn't want to go home this morning (why? tell me if you know because I have no fricken clue). I was in my room reading during the time my sisters were getting ready to leave and I overheard Crystal say to Amber, "We have to come back anyway because Candace is leaving soon." I was thinking to myself, 'Ugh! Whatever!" And then an idea popped in to my head which was this, 'Maybe I should make sure that I'm gone during the last few days before I leave, so that even if my sisters visit I won't have to say good-bye to them.' I'm sorry but I'm not really in to that fake shit. Don't get me wrong, I really do love my sisters, I just don't care for the pretenses. Anyhow, I'm happy that they are gone because now things can get back to normal (whatever the hell that is). I am cleaning house, today. Just took a quick break to update my journal.

Gino is so funny. He's got some free weights that he's putting side by side on the ground and he's got an empty cassette case resting on them. He calls it a race car and has his little mario guy riding it. The kids things do when their bored. lol

Shyanne is scared to go in to the living room because the front door made a weird sound. lol Probably because I have it opened to bring in some fresh air in to the house. It was more then likely the wind.
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Nov. 25th, 2004 @ 10:20 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: furious
I am so angry that I'm just going to go to bed. Perhaps, tomorrow I will post about it.
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Nov. 25th, 2004 @ 06:11 pm (no subject)
I'm eating some pumpkin pie with whip cream....yumea! Anyway, Charissa, check out the Chandrian Santuary website because it's free now and based on donations. I am in it right now and it's actually kinda cool.
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Nov. 25th, 2004 @ 05:21 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Mike Rowland - The Other Side (Mystic Radio)
I can't go back to the gym until tomorrow because it's a holiday today so the only exercise I had was jogging and walking (mostly walking lol) to the mission. And, the stuff I do at home. Ugh, that was yesterday, I didn't go to the gym today. I'm SUCH A LAZY ASS. That's why I'm recording what little I do in my journal because it might give me motivation to do more.

My little brother and sister just left with their father to visit him for thanksgiving night. Apparently, Yaz, this guy I used to have a crush on is there too. He's in town but he's leaving tomorrow morning. My step-dad offered to let me come visit him but I declined the invitation, only because I'm tired, and not prepared. I have had a crush on Yaz since I was like 14 or so but I don't like him in that way anymore. Now, he's like a big brother. My oldest sister, April, dated him when she was a teenager. My mom married his uncle, that's my step-dad, but now they are divorced. Weird huh.

Anyway, that's it for now. My little sister didn't want to visit her dad because she wants to spend time with my older sister, who is visiting for thanksgiving. She was crying. My little brother didn't want to go either.

It is all so familiar to me.
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Nov. 24th, 2004 @ 07:09 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: amused
I just got off the phone with Charissa who is a little tired because she's been working all day.

My little brother is playing with his pladoe. (Fuck the spelling).

My little sister is drawing a bat.

My mom is doing some paper stuff (drawing, or writing something, whatever) and watching T.V.

My sister Amber is off somewhere, who knows where.

My sister Crystal is off somewhere, probably at her friends house visiting them. Who knows.

I am going to start working on my 'writing exercises' after I finish updating my journal with this post. I've also got the T.V. on but I'm not paying much attention to it.
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Nov. 24th, 2004 @ 07:04 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: happy
Due to the fact that only one person has commented and has a desire to remain on my buddy list... all you other little fuckers... HAVE BEEN REMOVED!

Sorry, but I had to cut off the dead weight. It's not personal, it's livejournaling.
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